I'm Back!

Hello everyone! I apologise for the long break but...my mind has been on other things. More precisely my mind has not been working at all well. It still isn't but I've about adjusted to my new, cognitively-impaired world!

My sojourn in hospital (which is now thankfully over) and all the tests that were done have shown that I am experiencing a 'localised electrical disturbance'. The effects of this are that I have 'absences' during which I just freeze for 5-20 seconds (upto 25 a day), I have an occasional tremor in my left hand (annoying when holding a drink!), I have short term memory loss (I am forgetting a fair proportion of the previous day and it isn't coming back) and I am having cognitive difficulties (there are gaps in how I apply logic and how I process information).

This still all seems really scary but it is only temporary (if it were permanent it would have shown up on the MRI apparently). Recovery will take "weeks to months not months to years" so thats good.

At present I cannot drive, operate machinery, go to the gym, go up ladders, carry Ellie on the stairs or make decisions involving legal responsibility. Needless to say I am off work at present.

To be honest, the memory loss is not that troublesome ( I don't know that I've forgotten anything unless someone asks me about it!). The absences are sometimes embarrassing (eg having one at the front of the queue at Asda), sometimes upsetting (eg whilst chewing food) and occasionally damaging (eg having one mid-step on the stairs...big bruise and bump to show for it!). Its the cognitive problems that I'm finding the hardest. I've given up on puzzles, like word searches and sudoku as I simply can't do them. Following instructions, such as recipes, is weirdly difficult. Playing boardgames is challenging as I can just about remember the basic rules when I'm told them...if the game is simple. However, there are 101 things every day that I am finding considerably harder than they should be. This leaves me feeling very tired and 'headachey'.

I am trying to use my time productively.... I am reading lots (although I'm tending to forget what I have read) and tidying and cleaning the house. Even this is harder than it should be; I cannot multi-task and I have to think about every step of what I'm doing. Nothing is automatic at present.

Throughout everything Lisa has been an absolute star. She came to see me every day in hospital and brought Ellie every day. She co-ordinated visits from friends which were a real morale-booster. She has kept our lives running with as little disruption for Ellie as possible. She has been patient, understanding and reassuring with me , even though I am sure she has been just as terrified at times.

Although I can't remember a great deal I have not forgotten that I love Lisa and Ellie with all my heart.