Decisions, decisions, decisions...
Lisa has asked me to seriously consider being a 'stay at home dad'. She likes the way I take care of her, Eleanor and our home. She thinks I am more efficient at running the house than she is working part time.
In the past I have dreamt of this situation; getting to spend time with Eleanor and enjoying the gentle pleasure of maintaining a well-run home. Due to my current neorological problems there is a real chance I may lose my job. Whilst I am deeply upset by this prospect (I love my job!) there isn't a great deal I can do about it. Could this idea be the silver lining?
Financially, Lisa earns more than I do. She now has the opportunity to return to working full time and is keen to do this as I am now earning virtually nothing (the joys of Statutory Sick Pay!). If I stayed at home then we would not need two cars and our fuel/insurance/ road tax bill would be much less. Ellie could reduce her hours at nursery, although she would still go there for some time each week to maintain my sanity and becuase she enjoys it. We would not be well off but we could afford all the bills etc and have a small amount left over for emergencies/ holiday etc.
So why aren't I jumping at this chance? I am trying to think about it rationally (if a bit selfishly):
-I would need to keep abreast of work as I would want to return to work in a couple of years when Eleanor starts school. Could a career break damage my chances?
-would I go slowly mad being at home all the time?
-I could look at working part time
-do I have the physical and mental energy to keep Eleanor occupied for several days a week?
-do I really want us as a family to have so little money?
-I really do enjoy housework and making everywhere clean and tidy and I enjoy engaging Eleanor with this
-Eleanor loves being at home with me (apparently)
I think that I feel I am not making a positive choice so much as reacting to a bad situation. I suppose the logical thing to do is to wait and see if I recover quickly enough to return to work. If this doesn't happen then it's a pretty good 'back up' plan! Any ideas?
posted by Social Work Dad @ 12:51 AM
4 Comments:
There are many, many advantages of being a 'house-husband'. Not only will you have time to do the tasks you have mentioned (and I am sure you will be excellent at them all) but you will also find time to develop your own creativity - lots of new opportunities will be open to you. We get very bogged down in being conventional, going to work day in day out, travelling long distances in the process. Get out of the rat race and take time out. Treat it as a sabbatical or something.
Believe me, when the time is ripe, you will find yourself back in work, fit and refreshed and you will have helped both Lisa and Ellie in the process.
Thanks for your words... I will certainly bear them in mind when the time comes to make a decision. I would like to spend more time being a 'solo parent' - it does enrich the relationship I have with Ellie each time I spend a day by myself with her. Maybe my brain is saying now is the time for a break...
I really think this is a very good idea, Social Work Dad. People under-rate the skills involved in maintaining a home environment. Physics has proven that all matter is composed of energy or vibrations and that there is no ‘solidity’ in it. Objects feel solid because our physical bodies are made of the same matter. If we were made of cottonwool and lived in a cottonwool world, we would experience the same illusion of ‘solidity’ even though we know that cotton wool is not solid. What I am saying is that matter is made of pure energy but to have its shape and form as the Universe does, it must be a sentient energy or consciousness. If we clean, cook, garden, etc. with conscious love then all we touch, say and do is imbued with the same love and care we have put into it. Our environment is filled with calm and happiness promoting healing and inner strength. No greater gift can any man give to his family or to others.
Proud Mum (in-law)
I had the same doubts when I became a stay at home dad, also in response to a bad situation. I've reentered the full-time workforce, and I don't think my time spent as a caregiver hurt my career -- in fact, in many ways particular to my line of work, I think it helped. You might want to click around on the group blog I'm a part of, Daddy Dialectic -- perhaps especially this post.
My advice: just do it and take things as they come. You'll never regret it.
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